Due to the current Tanaiste Joan Burton's horrendous experience at the hands of a Dublin terrorist cell (mostly single parents who were eventually joined by Joan's driver), where she was held captive* in her warm car for almost 3 hours last year (a daily commute for some of us), she now brings an emergency pack everywhere, including a change of clothes, a whistle and some truffles in case she becomes a prisoner again and is unable to get a signal on her iPhone.

The emergency change of clothes is there to combat any musky conditions during a potential future ordeal, and on new year's eve 2015 the spare clothes came to the rescue and saved her bacon.

During an inspection of (storm Frank) flood waters in Kilkenny, Joan's canoe struck a hidden reef and capsized causing herself and a colleague to fall ass-first into the water.

According to a search-and-rescue spokesman, the life expectancy in such icy water combined with the wintery conditions is just 4 to 6 hours, but since the water was only ankle-deep they simply stood up and walked to a nearby house where she got changed.

Perhaps this canoe represents Irish Water, as it was an unnecessary addition to an already complex situation involving dirty water, dirty deals and taxpayer's money. Except that when the State finally acknowledges the capsizing of Irish Water, it will cost more than a change of clothes and a wet arse.

*If Joan really is interested in researching false imprisonment, she would look up state programs such as industrial schools, Magdaline laundries, workhouses, tus, job-bridge and the compulsory "state education" imposed on every Child in the country.

The full story...

Ahoy there Matey, where is a harpoon when you need one?

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