The time reads 23:45, I'm halfway through some weird illness, My back aches, my desk is a mess, and last night after a short illness we sadly had to euthanize my faithful body servant, Mr Emmanuel Nowak the Second.



I won't lie to you, the choice between a third week in Tuscany and keeping Emmanuel in our employ was a tough one, we paid a lot of men a lot of money to deal with that dilemma for us. What's important now is that we fully enjoy that third week in Tuscany In memory of our Emmanuel. To honour the man, we have taken it upon ourselves to have  Emmanuel's name engraved in 24 carrot gold, on my favourite foot stool. If only Emmanuel were alive to see it. To further honour our beloved Emmanuel, the left over gold from the smelting of his wedding ring will be donated to the local dogs home. He did like dogs.

Anyhoo, enough of all this dark stuff, to the point of this blog. Owing to Emmanale's endenturedness all of his communications had to pass through me for inspection before he could post his thoughts to various forums. What follows below had instruction to be posted for the members of the Tir Na Saor website.

I THINK I'M GETTING THE FEAR

We've all experienced fear, many of us know it all too well. I have faced it many times, I have gripped its stock and wailed from its fall. I've ignored it to my peril, just as I have obeyed it to my peril. At times it has been a most useful friend and a most formidable enemy. Unchecked it causes havoc in the mind. But For all its power, it has a weakness, and a fatal flaw. Fear must by its very nature, submit and subject itself to the will of the human mind.

According to popular culture the top three Human fears are as follows.

1. Fear of Flying.

I have flown many times in my life, for that experience I mainly give “thanks” to the invention of the modern jet engine, and to a lesser and greater degree some rather enterprising American hippies. The experience of flying has never once inspired fear in me, that part of the experience I've always found to be tranquil and somewhat relaxing. However, the prospect of plummeting to a fiery death has inspired fear in me on more than one occasion. Now.. while the probability of the plane plummeting to the ground resulting in a fiery mess is indeed low, the severity of such an event would be most catastrophic, chiefly because, I'd have to cash out my life chips, and I've no plans on leaving just yet, I mean I'm not even prepared to leave at this stage in the game, there are still things I needed to say to loved ones, still things I've not yet achieved, new experiences out there just waiting for me. I still have more flying to to, Jesus! perhaps I should just travel by boat from now on. No! God damn it, the fear of flying is bogus! the "real" fear here is the fear of an untimely death. Pay attention!

2. Fear of public speaking.

I have spoken in public on fewer occasions than I have flown. On the occasions that I have spoken in public I indeed viewed these occasions as ones to be feared. Of course once you calm and compose yourself, or more accurately, take a deep breath and say “fuck it!” (let him who has ears hear) your initial nervousness dissipates and you soon discover that your audience is neither booing, screaming, or calling for your head on a plate. Sometime later you will look back rather  bemusedly, and ask yourself lightheartedly, "what was all the fretting about?" Well..... the fretting arose from the prospect that you would die on your arse, as the saying goes. This death is viewed as far more severe and long lasting than the standard run of the mill death, this kind of death makes sure you hang around and relive it for a few weeks, months, and in rare and special cases years. Death by humiliation videos account for some 1.2 billion hits on you tube. However, it must be stressed that however severe this type of death may appear at first, the probability of resurrection is indeed high. Be not fearful to speak in public, only become fearful when they begin to listen and take you seriously.

3.Fear of Heights.

I often tell people of my fear of heights, and more often than not they have the same fear too. My fear of heights is entirely dependent upon my location in space time. If I am located inside a skyscraper on the 100th floor I feel perfectly safe and at ease. were I to join the two window cleaners three floors below me on the 97th floor, my fear of heights would no doubt present itself, or rather, my fear of falling to an untimely death would present itself.

The drama plays out in my mind as follows; “Please man, you've got to get this fucking machine to the ground, it's not safe up here. I just know that that cable is about to snap at any second. OH! SWEET JESUS! What was that noise! I just know we are are going to crash horribly into the ground, I can feel it in my bones. Is this machine safe for 3 people! For the love of GOD man! get this fucking contraption to the ground, please.”

Your fear now turns to terror as you realize a new horror, Shekpi and Punjid the operators of the mechanical beast you are so desperately clinging to, don't comprehend a lick of English, your heart sinks and you think all hope is lost.

Faced with a new sense of urgency, a quick call to God is often considered a wise move at this stage, difficult for an agnostic I'll admit, but we have our prayers too, “Dear God, if there is a God, please get me out of this fucking mess, if you do get me out of this mess, my soul (if I have a soul) is yours forever and ever, or at the very least, its yours until I change my mind about it.

According to the latest statistics from the North American Window Washers Union. God does indeed answer the calls of its members more often that not. In a recent survey of its three thousand and three members, some ninety eight percent the Of the North American Window Washers Union reported that, they strongly believed in the existence of a God, and further reported little to no fear of falling to a messy death, as god had their backs . Of the 1% who purported to be agnostic, all reported a sense of being worried about coming to a sticky end but they were not going to worry about it unduly. Of the 1% who purported to be Atheist, no answers were forthcoming, However we did receive a statement from the newly founded North American Atheist World Wide Window Washers Union. The statement was brief and somewhat cryptic, “Pfffft, flying spaghetti monster, leave me alone I don't want to come out and play. Signed.... Dick. Awking. (Dick passed away yesterday due to a terrible window washing accident. He will be missed by someone.)

So let us recap, we have contemplated plummeting to a fiery death form thousands of feet above, we have come face to face with the prospect of falling from the 97th floor to a rather untimely end, and we have further considered being totally humiliated, as we died that special death in front our of friends, colleagues and peers, and all this without ever leaving the comfort of our minds.

I think it would be considered a fair comment if I were to stick my neck out there and say that, on some level “we” are afraid of death, or more worryingly, not living!

The “Conspiracy-Truth Seeking / Spiritual-Enlightenment / What The Fuck Is Going On Movement,” of which I am a proud and long suffering member of, deals with the subject matter of death on a fairly regular basis. In my short time on this planet I have experienced at least 15 Christian End-time scenarios, Jesus has come, and gone and come and gone again, he must have a shit load of frequent flier miles. I wonder if he fears flying? I have lived through two pandemics, four World War Threes, Six alien invasions, three inter-dimensional wars, and on Saturday the First of November I spent a night with the misses watching Twilight movies. I'm sure you will agree, all equally terrifying and fearful experiences to live through, and yet I still remain, alive and well or as well as can be expected.

I have been down most of the proverbial rabbit holes, or at the least I've had a passing glance. I've even ventured into one or two man made sewer systems on my travels. This place, or space “we seekers” inhabit, this dark side of the human experience is bound to evoke fear if not utter terror in us at some stage of the game. I don't think this fear can be avoided, In fact I think it is a vital part of the seeker experience, if it can be overcome, and it can, the payoffs for the individual are huge, the seeker must pervail. For to stare down the fear, to face it, and overcome it, is to be liberated anew, emerging stronger, less gullible than before, less prone to fear, more in conformity with the facilities of ones mind. Let the fear eat at you and eat you it will,  leaving in its wake a stone cold paranoid mess.

As per Emmanuel's instructions I will keep this blog up to date, he asked that I post it in sections.

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Comment by Morgan Freeman on November 7, 2014 at 16:00
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and remember its only true if it makes you laugh. :)
Be sure to check out, Zen And The Art Of Uneployment and keep your eyes open for The Trivium And The Threesome.

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